Closure – Is it an Ending or Beginning?

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What is closure and why do we need it?  The dictionary defines closure as a feeling of finality or resolution.   Do we need someone else’s approval or confirmation to feel resolved?

I never thought I would struggle with closure – and certainly not with a friend.  Yet I found myself not knowing why we were not friends anymore.  The communication just became one way.  Then there was no reply.  No reply from a person who shared their secrets, fears and aspirations with me.  No response from someone I thought I knew – keyword “thought”.

Then I found the need to know why?  What happen?  Why was that person conversing with other friends we had in common, but not me?  I told myself maybe it’s just a phase…but the phase became a year – a year of not knowing why.

Sure, there were days and weeks that I forgot about my “friend”.  Yet people we knew in common would bring the person up in conversation.  I would see her comments on Instagram or Twitter.  Then of course the questions of why would ramble in my head.  I would think why am I wasting my time on someone who obviously has no concern for me.  Then calmness would turn into anger.  However, who was I angry at?  The answer was me.

We all have intuition.  There were times in the friendship, were I thought the person was self-absorbed and did not give as much as she took.  I even thought that I should slowly involve myself less with her.  So why was I surprised when she stopped texting, calling and wanting to get together for lunch.   I knew that perhaps this was a friendship for a season and not for a lifetime.  Yet, I still needed to know, why.

Does it really matter?  What is her telling me “why” going to do?  Was it going to erase the time I spent on wondering?  Would it erase what I felt?  No, it would not.  You see what she has to say does not define me.  I am the only one who has the power to move on.  The why would just be the beginning.  The beginning of explaining and understanding and feeling awful.  Therefore, I do not need “closure” because it is not the ending.  I had already resolved my feelings for the friendship.  I knew it was  not enhancing my life.  I knew that before it ended.

I forgot one important thing – no one can make you feel a certain way unless you allow it.  Therefore, you do not need closure to move forward in your life.  You just need to trust yourself and believe in the power you possess to live your life fully.  Don’t ever let words define you – certainly not this one!

Are You Able to Forgive?

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Are you walking around angry with someone and just not dealing with it?  By not speaking to them, are you really not dealing with it?  Every day you may be thinking about it.  Every day it is festering inside of you.  Then when you see the person, the feelings surface again.  Therefore, you may THINK that you are pushing it to the side.  You may THINK by not talking to that person that you are not dealing with it.  However, by making that decision that is how you are choosing to deal with the situation. 

I know it is much harder to just speak nicely to that person, say hi, or smile.  Nonetheless, this is something that you must do.  At first, when you smile you may not mean it and that is okay.  Yet the more you do it, the easier it becomes.  Then before you know it all that angst, anger, and resentment is gone.  Then you feel so much better.  The first time I put this practice in place, I was amazed how good I felt afterwards.  I felt so much better, by letting it go, truly letting it go.  My soul was renewed and refreshed.  By forgiving that person, you are forgiving yourself.  Besides that person may not even know they have wronged you.  However, you are all upset and for what?  For nothing.  They are living their life not thinking about you.  So why are you thinking about them?  Let it go.

For example, you do not know that person that cut you off while driving.  Nevertheless, you get angry and may start calling them names, etc.  Then you go to work and tell somebody about it and get all worked up again.  You do not even know who that person is!  This is such wasted energy.  Your time is too valuable to be spent on such insignificant conversations.  In addition, your health is affected and can manifest in headaches or high blood pressure.  

Just sit back for a minute and look at the situation.  Is all the ill will worth it?  Do you feel better by talking badly about someone?  On the other hand, are you causing stress on your body?  Is your blood pressure rising?  Are you defaming someone’s character?  Don’t you know that words can kill…literally?  They cannot only kill you but they can kill others.  We read all too often about kids committing suicide due to cyber bullying.  My first post was about the power of words.  We have such power and do not even realize or comprehend it.

You have to realize that what you portray outwardly, affects you internally.  Perhaps it is human nature to be upset for that moment in time.  However, this is when we need to learn to control our emotion – to be in control of who we are and of our life.  To make our life abundant and healthy, we must learn to forgive.  Numerous things that go wrong in our lives are a result of us not being able to forgive.  People often-go crazy and become obsessed because they cannot forgive.  While it is not always an easy thing to do, it is a skill that can be acquired and one that definitely needs to be practiced.  Once you are able to do it, it is a blessing.  It is a blessing to you and the people around you because it begets a good-natured spirit and a healthy life.    

Please understand if you cannot forgive someone else, then you cannot receive your blessing.  You see, you are blessed so that you can be a blessing to someone else.  Therefore, learn to forgive so you can receive your gift and your blessing and be the person that you were meant to be!