Closure – Is it an Ending or Beginning?

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What is closure and why do we need it?  The dictionary defines closure as a feeling of finality or resolution.   Do we need someone else’s approval or confirmation to feel resolved?

I never thought I would struggle with closure – and certainly not with a friend.  Yet I found myself not knowing why we were not friends anymore.  The communication just became one way.  Then there was no reply.  No reply from a person who shared their secrets, fears and aspirations with me.  No response from someone I thought I knew – keyword “thought”.

Then I found the need to know why?  What happen?  Why was that person conversing with other friends we had in common, but not me?  I told myself maybe it’s just a phase…but the phase became a year – a year of not knowing why.

Sure, there were days and weeks that I forgot about my “friend”.  Yet people we knew in common would bring the person up in conversation.  I would see her comments on Instagram or Twitter.  Then of course the questions of why would ramble in my head.  I would think why am I wasting my time on someone who obviously has no concern for me.  Then calmness would turn into anger.  However, who was I angry at?  The answer was me.

We all have intuition.  There were times in the friendship, were I thought the person was self-absorbed and did not give as much as she took.  I even thought that I should slowly involve myself less with her.  So why was I surprised when she stopped texting, calling and wanting to get together for lunch.   I knew that perhaps this was a friendship for a season and not for a lifetime.  Yet, I still needed to know, why.

Does it really matter?  What is her telling me “why” going to do?  Was it going to erase the time I spent on wondering?  Would it erase what I felt?  No, it would not.  You see what she has to say does not define me.  I am the only one who has the power to move on.  The why would just be the beginning.  The beginning of explaining and understanding and feeling awful.  Therefore, I do not need “closure” because it is not the ending.  I had already resolved my feelings for the friendship.  I knew it was  not enhancing my life.  I knew that before it ended.

I forgot one important thing – no one can make you feel a certain way unless you allow it.  Therefore, you do not need closure to move forward in your life.  You just need to trust yourself and believe in the power you possess to live your life fully.  Don’t ever let words define you – certainly not this one!

The Search for Happiness

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What is happiness?  Is it just an emotion or a state of mind?  Does it lie within your control or does something or someone else control your happiness?

To answer these questions, you must first determine what happiness means to you.  Does it mean having the high paying job, the perfect husband or wife, or the big house?  Does it mean starting your own business, giving back to the community, being a parent or just being healthy?  Finding out how you relate to happiness, will help you define its meaning.

I have learned that happiness is a state of mind.  You can choose to be happy or choose not to be happy.  When you wake up in the morning, you can be thankful for seeing another day or grouchy because it is gloomy and rainy.  In this case, happiness is not determined by the weather but in how you perceive the weather.  The weather will always be.  It is something that we cannot control.  Therefore, why let it control how you are feeling?

I know this may sound simple – in fact, to simple.  However, when you stop and think about it, it should be simple.  If you choose to be happy regardless of your circumstances, you can be happy.

Many people think they need something or someone to make them happy.  Well, that is not necessarily true.  Nothing and certainly no one should have that much control over you.  When you put your happiness in someone else, you will inevitably be disappointed.  Reason being, people are imperfect.  How can something as important as your happiness be left to a person other than you?  Sure, people can add to your happiness or do things that make you feel better.  Yet, they cannot be your sole reason for being happy.  If they are, then you will never truly be happy.

Stop trying to find things or people to make you happy.  The power is already inside of you.  Speak things into being.  Remember words have power.  Everything that you need to be happy is inside of you.  Stop searching.  Stop pursuing happiness.  Just let happiness be…be your state of mind.